There's always a light at the end of the tunnel

To whom may read this,

I am a little nervous this is my first post on my blog and I always find even when writing an essay the first few sentences are always the hardest and this is how it feels. I am sure I have just spent the last 30 minutes pondering on what I should write to all you of you and I think I have finally decided.  Once you get to know me you will come to the conclusion that I am a very indecisive person and I am sorry this may annoy some of you!! Anyway it has been a tough couple of weeks I didn't really want my first bog to be like this but here goes.

What is love? I mean has anyone actually come up with a definition, does the dictionary even define it correctly? If anyone has the answer I would love to know!! To me love defines someone who is your best friend, you can have a laugh, joke around, but also they are always there for you and trust you must be able to trust them completely without failure. Well I thought I found that person, you know the one you think you'll be with forever, well I was wrong and I was blinded by love once again. But once I was out I was happy I didn't feel boxed in or secluded I was free and the world offers endless opportunities that I could explore. But then I couldn't forget the past two years of my lie with him ad no matter how much he hurt me on the inside it was the hardest thing overcome, not because I missed him but because of the experiences and good memories.  This is why brains are so clever, they like you to block out your negative thoughts and experiences and fill them with good ones even if you don't want to!!
But then I thought my luck had changed around, I had fallen for a guy who happens to live in my flat at university, even though my last relationship was still burning me up inside, he said he loved and that everything would be okay and I wanted this to be true.. This guy he is the nicest person you could meet and is so caring he even cooked me dinner for a week I mean not most men would do that. We had so many great times together even if they were just simple such as watching TV or a film, but we always had a laugh together and we were always open towards each other. But then, we realised we had rushed into things and now he is scared of loosing me as a friend but I know this would never happen as I would never want to loose him!! But I'm not sure if he is confused or scared but we decided to become friends, however I am not sure I can just be friends forever my feelings are too strong to ignore but I am not sure how how he feels and I don't want to make myself look like an idiot. So I guess only time can tell, but then time can also be a killer!! As if my week couldn't get any worse. I just remember receiving a phone all  on Sunday afternoon from my parents, telling me that my Grandad has cancer. This broke my heart and immediately I felt like the world had collapsed around me, I felt lot, lonely and not sure what was happening to me. I was confused and I didn't know what to do with myself. Why did this have to happen my Grandad is the nicest person, he always made me laugh, we would have so much fun together but whatever I had done he was always there for me no matter what!! Love, illness, emotions they are feelings and emotions that we all feel once in our lives, but when they all come at once it is just too much for one person.
But without all these emotions and experiences life would not be filled!! Even though its hard and sometimes you feel as though you cannot cope, you have to be strong for the others around you and the greater goodness of yourself!!